real world cliches & 100% chance of rain

(Caption: "Portrait of a Damaged Youth: Artwork Not Done Under the Influence in Under 10 Minutes" with special thanks to Microsoft Paint)

My father kept an old letter inside my old seventh grade composition book since our move. I never knew what it said because it was written in Chinese. Recently, I found someone to translate for me, and it read squarely: "You've made your decision, now live with it"

I know exactly what it references.

In other news, I've come back early to campus to get some work done. Which will mean, as usual, that work will not get done. Needless to say, the Queens public library system SUCKS. S-U-C-K-S-S-S-S-S (multiple s's for obnoxious emphasis). I hate you, Flushing Library, I hate you. Not only did you attempt to charge me over $70 in late fines but your lack of public resources on sexual health issues blow almost as odorously as your second floor (and come to think of it, basement as well) bathroom. You also have a poor selection of Babysitters Club books. Not that I checked.

Anyway, I had a dream about three hours before (actually made an honest attempt to sleep at a regular hour) before it woke me, and now I am unable to re-bed myself. I guess I should blame my refusing to pee before bed. I spend way too much time in my dreams searching for a bathroom. According to dreammoods.com, it means I am having difficulties "relieving" myself of burdening emotions. What else is new. Also, dreamt of rain- symbolic of spiritual renewal. Come to think of it, bathrooms also signify a purging of sorts so... basically my conscious mind has already figured out something my subconscious mind has only recently gotten! At this rate, I can predict the future! Okay, I predict... rain. In a couple of hours. Okay, that was more weather.com, but can you believe that only a couple of hours ago, it was telling me that there would only be a 10% chance precipitation? I guess fortune favors precipitation.

Working on turning that frown upside down, getting over the hump, seeing the world through rose colored glasses, not letting anything rain on my parade- too much? I'll stop.

p.s. almost forgot to mention that Kundiman replied back to my late submission for the annual retreat. Turns out they already made their decision. However, I did receive an encouraging personal message to resubmit the year after (on time of course) and that my work was "strong". Tina was also deemed a "lovely" professor. She'll be happy to know that. I can't say I'm not bummed (because I am) but I guess my probability didn't work out like the weather. This means I need to find another reason to be in another state, place, time that isn't my bed, room, home.

An important realization: I honestly don't need a lot to live on. Just you, me, hopes & dreams.