asian dyke-dom and beyond

As there seems to be an absence of material on queer APIA women, I went and did my little google search and came across this new (well, not so new anymore) show on LOGO called "Gimme Sugar". Now, given my penchant for shitty reality television, I was expecting this to be a Hills meets A Shot at Love mesh up. In a sense, it is that, but what's surprising is the positive reviews it got according to a certain blogger's post on the usually politically sensible Racialicious site here.

So the deal is, 8asians.com reviewed it as well, and applauded it for presenting not one but three APIA faces in the cast. Right. And the two other cast members are white. Still, I decided to give it a chance, and watched two episodes.

Aside from the obnoxiousness of their collective personalities and the reiteration of very cliched dyke drama (like Shane 2.0 Davonee whose player ways keep her from giving her girlfriend her full and undivided attention), there were more grating issues. Apparently, LA (where this is set) has NO other people of color. Just a handful of APIA faces amongst an all white crowd, as if I'm to believe there are no Latina or Black lesbians in LA. Yeah, that's progress right there.

So I'm watching episode 2, and these business savvy ladies haven't even gotten as far as naming the club that they want to start yet. One would think that some more practical first steps would be say, I don't know, thinking up concepts for the club, finding an available space, talking with business/financial savvy folks for hire. No. They're fighting over whether they should name the club "Blush" or "Sugar". I'll make it easy for them. They both suck.

So they're in Truck Stop (the club where Charlene MCs at), and Davonee's model girlfriend comes in, and is all, "Why the hell are you flirting with blah and blah and pay attention to me blah blah!" I was on Gchat so I missed a couple of seconds, but I reckon Davonee (who I'm guessing is Filipina) and probably Bathilda (other APIA token) were playing around. Bathilda tries to remedy the situation by explaining to the model girlfriend, "SHE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE ASIANS" to which Davonee affirms, "I don't like Asians". So ladies, just to be REALLY clear: Davonee doesn't like Asians.

Which is interesting, right? Because this show is supposed to be a step towards diversity, and increase the visibility of queer APIA women in the media, and yet, the only way this is possible is by having static, one dimensional characters who are well assimilated into superficial LA culture, and apparently do not date women of their own race.

I didn't have high expectations for this show, just like I didn't think Tila Tequila was going to be the voice of queer APIA politics when she came out with her show, but what I do have an issue with is how the APIA community is spouting off like this is some real progressive shit. I feel like I give the same rant everytime APIA politics come up, and I always return to the same two points (and I know I am generalizing, but I am referring only to mainstream APIA politics): 1) APIAs are really into the model minority myth through self-advancement, regardless of the expense of other PoC groups or even in most cases, non-East Asian ethnicities (as there is a serious East Asian hegemony that often goes undiscussed here) 2) APIA discourse usually only goes as far as media portrayal--namely, change APIA perception via media, change the world. If only the solution were as easy as putting Lucy Liu in a duplicating machine.

On a divergent rant, it's becoming increasingly irritating when I have to explain my sexuality to people who don't understand "how I got the way I am". Yes, I identify as a lesbian, and for the most part, people are aware to some degree that I am interested in women. What they are confused about, I've realized, are the following: 1) What about my history with men? 2) Why am I so hesitant to call myself "bisexual"? 3) Why am I not as "readible" as I should be? 4) Did I just "decide" to be a lesbian?

Answers: 1) It would never be a reflex for you to ask if a vegan was born a meat eater. Sorry, that was a joke response. Sorta. Basically, let me ask you this: Are you aware we live in a heteronormative world? If you get confused, please go to the nearest public restroom, and look at the signs. I was raised hetero. I played with Barbies and was taught that if I wanted to play "Wedding," I could borrow Kent's GI Joes for possible grooms. Also, ASIANS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE GAY, REMEMBER? It wasn't until I was provided a language and a means of discourse that I finally started questioning, and realized that issues I had with men weren't just purely personal but really stemmed from my issues with sexuality. Also, every time someone mentions penises, I fight back the urge to barf. I think that's a pretty good reflection on my past experiences with men and a solidification of how I feel about my sexuality.

2) 'Cause I'm not a binary. I use the term "homoflexible" pretty liberally because some men are really interesting--but I can't be in a relationship with one. If anything, I go by "queer" because it connotes a political, "fuck you" identity which says that I am being consciously subversive.

3) BECAUSE ASIANS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE GAY, REMEMBER? Also, in terms of gender presentation, I am trying to work it out (in terms of what I feel most comfortable experimenting with, exploring, etc.) But also I think we have to consider how gender presentations function in a very race, class, status, etc. specific way which I think privileges white middle/upper class ways of presentation. But this is an observation which I hope to explore further, and hopefully I can find some sort of academic evidence to back it up.

4) Being a lesbian isn't something I decided. It's different from taking on a "queer" identity, I think, because that's something you can claim whereas I think being a lesbian (for me anyway) is kinda like Adrienne Rich's concept of "compulsory lesbianism"--that it's something innate, undisreputable... well, others will probably disrepute it, but it's something that your own soul can't fight. Heterosexuals do not have to explain their heterosexuality, but if you are "sexually deviant" from the norm, be prepared to answer questions like, "So, does this mean you don't like men at all? Certain men? Transmen?"

Anyway, I'm sure this isn't anywhere close to eloquent, and I don't think I'm striving for that in any way considering I am still pretty new when it comes to deconstructing it. Furthermore, I am always in one way or another, defending it when I do come out to people for the first time, even to those who profess that they don't have a problem with it, but then say shit like, "I think lesbians are hot". Also, I am pretty sure my period is coming soon too. So I guess, the point of this story is, kids, I am one really pissed off radical APIA dyke with a bleeding uterus.